Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize