I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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