gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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