she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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