just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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