I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i was born a porn star she said
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
