I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
