how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
