This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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