I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
