I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
be right there i have to get my cape
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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