did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
