this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
