I hate your face
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
