guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
