Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
