i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
