He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
