My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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