He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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