I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
