we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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