I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i think my cat just said my name.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
