No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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