So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The air was thick with penises
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
