batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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