ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
