well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
