im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
