I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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