Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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