i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
