Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize