Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I want to have your abortion
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
