oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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