btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize