the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
