shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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