I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
