I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
