there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
