Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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