mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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