She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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