Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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