It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
