Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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