Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
