Already got asked if we're dating
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
