I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
