I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
