My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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