my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
