Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
