When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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