I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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