Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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