no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
