They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
