She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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