I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize