bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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