A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
