just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
