Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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