Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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