I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
