i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
