im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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