Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
