I'm sorry my penis didn't work
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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