Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
